mercifulrain

just moved!

2007-04-25T13:00:00.000+08:00

Thanks for dropping by and for checking this site out!:-) I have just moved to my new address. Please visit www.mercifulrain.wordpress.com

From Lilith

2007-04-19T14:47:00.000+08:00

(Here's one of the personal messages I got in response to my Confession. Thanks, my dear friend Lilith for this and for the permission to post this. You sure have blessed my heart. Keep going and keep looking up to the One who loves you tenderly.)

Hiya Au,

Are we poor, are we sick, are we hurt, are we damaged, are we rejected, jeered, maligned, are we...? Thanks for this wonderful reminder that Someone has been there before us.

Jesus has always made a difference in my life. There have been times I strayed from the path, but it was His sometimes strong, sometimes stern, sometimes gentle and sometimes sweet voice that pulled me back in . The Shepherd knows His own and His own know His voice.

I am undergoing a painful chapter in my life, but I always look up, up, up and know my Savior is there. He keeps me focused when I just want to give up and give in---so much easier.

Have a lovely time with Him. Christianity is fun.

Lilith

kiss the rain

2007-04-13T23:01:00.001+08:00

confession

2007-04-05T17:47:00.000+08:00

I walked furiously from office to home yesterday. With angry tears, I prayed in my head and was totally shocked at the evil thought that lurked within me.

I wanted someone killed. He's been giving my family a problem for a number of times now. I couldn't bear the thought of losing any of my family members to this non-sense, desperate guy! Surely, I can afford to pay for his life. Oh, gosh. I never imagined I would have such a murderous thought!

This crazy guy made a scary hostage-taking kind of drama in our home. He held my sister in the neck, dragged her around, with a knife few inches away from her. My trembling mother, grandmother, nephew, cousins and other people who were there tried to help, but surely fear and the shock of the moment had overtaken them.

The stupid, incompetent police who was called for help didn't respond because he said it seemed "peaceful" already and that he didn't want to get involved with a family problem! Goodness! How on earth?!? I wished to give him a good slap in the face if I was there!

Things are better now at home. Thank God, my family is safe and the crazy guy promised not to do it and never to bother my sister again (who broke up with him).

I cried my heart out as I thought about all the trauma my family had to go through. I wanted to eliminate the man for me to feel secure for my family! Sending him to prison is no guarantee that he is locked forever. As I prayed, my sinful heart was exposed. I was reminded that Somone had already paid for our lives at the highest cost. Jesus died for every one of us so that we may know God and have eternal life. He's giving all of us second chances. He died for each one of us - and that includes the guy that I wanted dead and punished.

I have no right to take away his life because Jesus had already paid the price. I can only trust and commit everything to Him. I can pray that God would change his heart. I can pray that God would keep my family safe.

This beautiful passage rebuked me, hushed me down and captivated my soul. I asked for forgiveness. It made my heart quiet, at peace, and grateful. Such a timely reminder as we celebrate Good Friday. I submit to the God who never fails.

"He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered,

who knew pain firsthand.One look at him and people turned away...

But the fact is, it was our pains he carried— our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us...

it was our sins that did that to him, that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!

He took the punishment, and that made us whole.

Through his bruises we get healed.

We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost...

God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong, on him, on him.
He was beaten, he was tortured, but he didn't say a word.

Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered

and like a sheep being sheared, he took it all in slence.

He died without a thought for his own welfare, beaten bloody for the sins of my people...

He'd never hurt a soul or said one word that wasn't true.
Still, it's what God had in mind all along, to crush him with pain.

The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin so that he'd see life come from it...

Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant,

will make many "righteous ones,"

he looked death in the face and didn't flinch...

he took on his own shoulders the sin of the many,

he took up the cause of all the black sheep.

Isaiah 53:3-12 (The Message)

Anam Cara

2007-03-22T08:26:00.000+08:00

(Here's a copy (shorter version) of my friend's recent published article. Thank you, Ms. Diadema Emping. You made my day!:-))

*****************************************************

WE WERE in the same journalism class back in college. But I hardly noticed her in the beginning. One minute she was there and the next, only God knew where she went.

I found her so mysterious. So aloof. And I was like, “What’s wrong with her?” I was moved to curiosity when our teacher asked about her whereabouts. Okay, so her name’s Aurelia. Quiet, reserved. A returnee undergoing a hard time. She didn’t talk a lot so I supposed she didn’t want to be disturbed. I didn’t have the slightest clue that in her I had found my anam cara. Yes, she is the friend of my soul!

Fast forward. We became friends. Don’t ask me how because I don’t know either. But in the meantime, we’ll settle for a memory that began in Tops, a high point in Busay Hills.

In one of our occasional talks, I must have mentioned to her that I love to be in high places like the mountaintop where I can feel some liberation and peace. So she invited me to go to Tops with her brother-in-law, which I certainly enjoyed. The highlight of that night came when we held hands, stood under a wishing bell, rang it, and threw a wish like a zephyr song.

And it is a memory that can never be put into oblivion because I know my wish reached the ears of the angels. Now we are at peace in bartering monikers. I call her “Yang” and she calls me “Wawa.” And I just find it so sweet.

Aurelia is a very great friend. That call-me-and-I’ll-be-there friend is indeed her. In fact, I need not tell her if I’m experiencing a tornado in my life because she knows it already.

My anam cara never fails to give me the impetus I so very much need. More than anything else, she knows me by heart, so much that I need not explain myself to her. I don’t have to struggle telling her how I feel. She knows my happiness and my loneliness because, at whatever season of my life, she’s always there.

What pains me is that she’s now in Singapore, working as a writer/editor of a publication.And I’m happy for her. I really hate goodbyes. They make the rain fall. But at some point in our lives, we have to deal with them no matter how painful and sad. So I just wish Singapore will take care of her.

I’ll forever treasure our happy memories and carry them in my heart. I’ll just build a bridge in our hearts and cross it every time I miss her.For now, goodbye, McDo burger meals, Coke float and French fries. Goodbye, PUJ front seats and Ayala cinemas. Goodbye, Lilo-an lighthouse and Kawasan Falls. ‘Til then. (Diadema Emping, Sun.Star Cebu Weekend)

free to make mistakes

2007-03-14T22:20:00.000+08:00

I attended an aerobics session the other night.:-)I was terrible. I felt like my knee and hip bones were disoriented! When others turned right, I turned the opposite direction. While most didn't have difficulty in following the instructor, I found myself catching up my breath, realizing I was left behind by a count or two most of the times! I was making mistakes - but totally laughing my heart out; enjoying the moment of learning, admitting my limitations, and being free to make mistakes without being judged!

It reminded me of my days in Cebu where I loved joining aerobics/taebo sessions at Cebu City Sports Center. It was something I used to dread though. I just wanted to walk around. About six years ago, my friend Jennifer Skelton-Pope asked me to join her in one aerobics session (she was also just trying that time). I was so hesitant because I wasn't sure if I would do it right. But I looked at the people who joined the session - and they were all going in different directions! That gave me confidence to join. Haha! And there, I realized it was okay. I didn't have to perfom well to please myself or anyone. I didn't have to pass some kind of standard. We were all learning together.

So I began to like it and look forward to it. Exercise became more fun. When I join aerobics/taebo, I enjoy so much sense of freedom and fun! The other person beside you won't mind if you can't bend your body well, or if you can't seem to lift your butt. Everyone just moves on. It is quite tiring and could painfully be stretching to your body (if you're new), but the ordeal becomes easier and fun because no one picks up on you. The instructor will tell you to keep trying, to stretch some more, to keep up with the beat, etc. But if you can't, you are free to stop, pick up your towel and laugh about it.

being more intentional

2007-03-03T21:39:00.000+08:00

Some things just don't happen by thinking of them. One has to intentionally pursue them to make them real. For me, exercise is one. For the past few months, I thought soooo much of making sure I get enough exercise. In fact, I take a 40-minute walk from office to home in most days. It takes away my stress. Also, I even dare to look funny in front of our TV set following a woman doing a two-mile trim walk on the video! Now I can almost memorize all her lines! But with my lifestyle - spending too much time working on computer, with my not-so-ideal diet, etc. - I'm not doing enough. I gained so much weight.

This issue concerns me not because it makes me feel ugly, but because it makes me sick! I easily get tired. My migraine attacks me more often now. I get chest pains. My stamina went down.

Despite all these, work and other pleasures in life still take the front seat. I often postpone my exercise time. "Got so much work today", "I'm so tired", or "I better read or watch movie" are some of old excuses. Well, it was time to get up! Finally, my housemate convinced me (and dragged me) to the gym last week. We signed up for six-month membership! This way, I hope to be more disciplined and intentional with my exercise. There's always time for everything.

through water, fire and air

2007-02-08T19:21:00.000+08:00

One more reflection on my recent Philippine trips by boat and by plane - oh, those were quite stressful times then. Yet now I look back at them with a sense of relief and adventure.

I've passed through the test of water, fire and air!:-)

On my way to Cebu where I took my flight back to Singapore, I was on board a small, old boat that sailed from my hometown. With the stormy weather, the boat danced like crazy above the dark sea waters. To add more scare to my bones, the boat had some fire accident and power problem. I was so scared. The 10-hour boat ride wasn't fun. Yet my faithful Rescuer brought me to Cebu safe and sound.

And of course my airport mess was a big deal. But again, I managed to get in the plane, be up in the air, and reach Singapore.

Still, it wasn't an experience I would pick, if I had the choice. But in the end, out from those scary and stressful times, I saw His faithful hands that calmed my fears and took away my frustrations. Oh, what a thrill! How small my faith was.

bitter memories no more

2007-02-02T14:04:00.000+08:00

I got back in Singapore from Cebu a week ago. My editor and I made a four-day trip to make use of my return ticket to Cebu - definitely an unexpected, unplanned trip. But like many other experiences, it's the unplanned trips and unexpected twists and turns in our lives that make things exciting, revealing and so much fun!

The trauma I had from my January 11 flight was overshadowed by my recent trip's good memories. I came back to life and work in Singapore with so much energy and focus.

In our Cebu trip, I felt so pampered, rested and recharged. I got to see my sisters again who came all the way from Masbate.

I also met up with few friends, dropped by SunStar newsroom and visited my old university.

I was a tour guide to my Singaporean editor and I also felt like a tourist myself - shopping, dining at nice restaurants (no McDonald's this time :-)), etc! :-)

What's more fun - we had full body massage and scrub, facial scrub, foot spa, hair cut and treatment, etc! - my first time to have it all together at one time! haha.

Thanks to my Father who has seen my tired soul and heard my cries. He gave me fun treats and restored my spirit through this trip. (Thanks too to my angel who paid almost all expenses of the trip!:-)) It surely was a treat!

P300 - as promised!

2007-02-02T13:35:00.000+08:00

Few days before my "OFW ordeal" at Cebu airport, a Navigator friend sent an sms to ask for anyone willing to extend any financial help to a family who is in great need.

I was in Masbate that time. I prayed about it and asked God how much. I don't know why but the figure of P300 came to mind. So I said, "I will give P300". However, I didn't get the chance to hand it over when I dropped by Cebu. So I thought of sending it back when I get to Singapore.

When I sold my phones and camera at the airport to make my cash enough for my ticket, travel tax and other fees for me to be able to leave, I thought I'd already spent every dollar and peso I had - including my P300 pledge.

But when I unpacked my bags in Singapore, I found P300 in my thin wallet! It looked so neat and undisturbed from what I went through at the airport. Haha. I laughed and shook my head in amazement. Regardless of the amount (big or small), the P300 was a gift from God for that needy family - an amount that was never to be touched, not even by a very desperate situation I had at the airport.

Surely, God moves in mysterious ways.

home, adventure and OFW ordeal

2007-01-20T04:55:00.000+08:00

What a thrill and delight for me to have celebrated Christmas and New Year with my family back in my hometown in the Philippines! Almost everyday of my 20-day vacation was a feast!

Some of the things I did and enjoyed during my break that added sweet home memories to my heart:

- videoke fun time with my family and friends - lechon baboy, grilled and fried fish, mango float, leche flan
- motorcycle ride
- playing with Yancy and RJ (nephews) and Cary (niece)
- morning cup of coffee with Papa and Mama
- talks and laughs with my Ate Espie and Gen (sisters)
- times spent with my friends in Cebu
- going around my little hometown Cataingan; seeing old places, reminiscing memories of my childhood and friends

OFWs - misunderstood!

I became one of the many overseas Filipino workers (OFWs) who had to deal with the pasalubong (gift) pressure! Many were just happy to see me (with or without pasalubong). I was surely grateful for them. But there were some who must have thought OFWs are Santa Claus who can give what they have wanted!

...and traumatised!

I was initially put on hold the night I left Mactan Cebu International Airport because I didn’t have a travel exit clearance. I had that document the first time I left the country last year as a contract worker, but I didn’t know I was supposed to secure it every time I travel back to Philippines even for a short vacation!

The middle-aged woman at the Philippine Overseas Employment Agency (POEA) desk at the airport was very unhelpful. She flatly scolded me, blamed me, and told me that if only I attended POEA’s pre-departure seminar (which I did!) and if only I have listened to the announcements, I should have known and remembered that I was supposed to get an exit clearance every time I travel!

Goodness! How was I to remember it after almost a year? (I checked all my POEA documents when I got home in Singapore – and there was nothing to remind me or tell me of that requirement! NOTHING).

Anyway, there was no time for me to argue. Passengers have already gone to the boarding area except me! I tried to stay calm and asked what could I do? I was willing to comply. I badly needed to fly that night, 11th of January. I have people and work waiting for me in Singapore.

My heart stopped beating for a moment when she squarely told me that there was nothing I can do but to off-load and re-book my flight, get my clearance at POEA office on Tuesday, 16 January (5 days later after weekend and Asean summit holidays)!

One passenger suggested that I travel not as an OFW (who’s supposed to get exemption from travel tax and terminal fee), but as a tourist. But with that option, I had to buy another return ticket from Singapore back to Cebu! I took the idea, hoping I could just settle the matter when I get to Singapore. But my cash was not enough anymore! I ran to many ATMs to get money, but I couldn’t access my account. I was running here and there...with few minutes left in my hand. The plane was going to take off soon.

Feeling so defeated, I went back to the airline office and have to say my money was not enough. I needed P3,000 more (about S$100). I took out my two Nokia cell phones from my bag and a Sony digital camera and asked the airline lady if she would be interested to buy it for P1,000 each! I felt so desperate and humbled. I’m never used to bargaining, asking, or begging. The lady wanted to help me, but she didn’t have enough money also. I was so teary when she helped me convince the guy who just came to buy a plane ticket for Davao to buy my phones and the camera! He was a bit hesitant, but of course, it was a great a buy, so he did!

The airline lady called someone from the plane and told them they have one more passenger - me! So the plane's departure was delayed! Few minutes later, I was finally settled in the plane, so thirsty and tired and traumatised. I would have complied with the travel exit clearance if I have known earlier!

Taxi from heaven

Got out from Singapore’s immigration area just fine. My mind was blank and tired. All I wanted was for me to get a nice, hot bath, a cold drink and collapse in my bed. I called (using a free phone) my housemate Angel to ask her to meet me outside our flat because I wasn’t sure if my Singapore dollars would be enough for my taxi fare and also to ask for direction. I wasn’t sure if I had the correct address in my head. But before I could speak, she told me that she had arranged a taxi to pick me up from the airport to drive me home! I thought she was joking! But part of me wished it was true!

I hurriedly went outside the arrival area to find the taxi. I was so surprised to find three friends waiting for me at the airport to welcome me and drive me home! Wow, what a relief! Someone from above knew how stressed and upset I was that he sent some kind-hearted people to pick me up and give me a free ride.:-)

I was so excited to find my taxi and just get home that I just totally forgot my baggage! I had to go back and claimed by stuff.:-)

I'm coming back, Cebu!

My friend Angel wanted to make something good out from my bad experience. She decided for us both to make a trip back to Cebu to make use of my ticket and to settle my exit clearance problem. So, I'm on for another trip next week!

flying home

2006-12-22T01:01:00.000+08:00

I'm leaving Singapore today. Excited to see my family and friends back home in the Philippines, but also a bit stressed out. My head so tired now and my eyes so heavy. My Singapore-Cebu flight was delayed from its 12:15 a.m. schedule today to 2:45 am!

I'm at Singapore's Budget Terminal departure area now waiting for boarding. So many Filipinos hanging around, waiting for their flight like me. I heard some Cebuanos talking, joking, laughing about their stories as overseas workers - all excited to be home.

I've got mail, again!

2006-12-20T00:08:00.000+08:00

Haha. I checked my mail box today, and yes, I've got another mail (delivered by FedUp Express :-)). It's the third snail mail I got in just few days time. Hmm...this has been a slow, but happy day for me - I got to enjoy rain and a mail from a dear friend.:-) Quite a good treat for the day.

Cold day

2006-12-19T23:19:00.000+08:00

I felt extra cold today. It's not like the cold climate I've experienced in the US last year, but I felt cold enough today in Singapore (country with tropical climate like Philippines) that I dared not turn on our AC or even our fan. It's been very rainy here lately. I looked out our window and enjoyed the sight of the thick sheet of rain. I heard all day the steady rain fall. I love it. I was reminded of Kawasan Falls in Cebu. Oh, how cold and refreshing.

With my red sweater on, I curled up in bed. Watched TV. Hmm...yes, it's NOT a crazy, busy day.:-)

He said, She said...

2006-12-16T09:20:00.000+08:00

If only we know it's our last, then we probably would have more guts to say and show our love to people dear to us. We might be bold enough to ask or extend forgiveness to those we have hurt or have hurt us. Or maybe we will care more to simply thank those who have made our lives beautiful. If only we know...

My friend Angel is not taking chances with her dad who has dementia and had lost most of his memory. Lately, he's been refusing to eat and has been sick. Angel, a daddy's girl, sought and waited for an opportunity where her dad can talk and connect with her again - even for one last time. And her wish was granted.

Angel helps him remember who he is through music. On his bedside, she patiently sings his favorite songs till he finds the words and melodies of the songs he loved. Oh, how light and tears fill his eyes when he remembers and sings! The sight of them trying to hold on and stay connected in some kind of emotional channel brings me wonder, nostalgia, and tears.

This four-minute video clip I made for her will show you bits and pieces of their precious dialogue and some old photos and fragments of songs recorded by her dad many years ago.

May you be blessed and be challenged to make meaningful times with your loved ones. Who knows when is the last time, anyway? This I challenge myself, too.

I've got mail!

2006-12-13T08:50:00.000+08:00

I came in the office this morning and found a mail on my table! It's a Christmas greeting from a friend in Kyrgyzstan. Made me smile.

It always warms my heart to get a snail mail. Never mind the long wait. It's the thought of having someone take time to pen down some thoughts on a paper, put a stamp on the envelope, and drop it in the post office that counts. It takes time - that's why it's always valued.

I remember how elated I get when I receive letters and snail mails in high school (we didn't have internet yet in town that time). Regardless of content and some messy handwriting - letters, personal cards, and snail mail always make my day bright. I remember those scented stationeries, those corny love words, quotes and promises (copied from books or movies or from someone else!) from boy friends in high school who wanted to impress by trying to sound like a poet. Haha. I remember wearing a big grin and jumping in my head every time Mr. Postman drops by our house and waves his hand with a mail and shouts, "Aurelia Castro!"

Oh, those were the days...

Now with internet, I can send and get messages in an instant. I maintain and share a blog in an attempt to stay connected with people dear to me who are working, sleeping, and living in different parts of this world. Yet no matter how glued I am now with computer and all those instant things, I always try to go back to the old way of sending my thoughts to my family and friends via snail mail. It makes me slow down and teaches me again what thoughtfulness means.

I mailed a number of letters the other week. My office friend saw me put the stamps and she wore a surprised look in her eyes. "You still do snail mail? You don't use email?" For a moment, I felt so old-fashioned. But I was so happy to be so.

After all, it's the oldies that bring me back close to home, close to my heart.

writing from the heart

2006-12-10T04:50:00.000+08:00

My friend AK and I attended a joint workshop (How to Write an Effective Speech) with the Society of Singapore Writers (SSW) and Toastmasters Club yesterday. The president of SSW shared to us two best speeches ever made in the English language - Antony's speech on The Life and Death of Julius Caesar and the Sermon on the Mount. Those were concise, clever, and powerful words that hit the human hearts - best speeches for all time.

I enjoyed the workshop though I wasn't as interested in making a career in speech writing. What I counted more as a challenge and a thrill for me was to be acquainted with the society of writers in Singapore - to be with people who understand the joy and pain of writing.

The following points are things that I already know. But to hear them again and again is worth it for it creates a spark in my soul.

* Each one of us has a message to tell. It's something that you own, you know, and you believe in. It's something that you have experienced. Those are stories from your heart of hearts. There is a Truth to tell.

* To be a writer is a lifetime calling. The love for words, the practice of writing and learning and improving should be a part of your daily life; a part of your culture.

* Writers don't live by themselves alone. They have to have a gang; a support group to journey with them in the arena of writing, publishing and teaching.

AK and I ended up having dinner at Pizza Hut. Our stomachs were starved, but our hearts were full. We feasted on our meal while we talked till late about writing. What a privilege to be in a network of people who share the same passion. What a joy to have a friend who breathes the same calling.

p.s. here's an extract of the speeches we've read and studied:

Antony:

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus
Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Caesar answer'd it.
Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest -
For Brutus is an honourable man;
So are they all, all honourable men -
Come I to speak in Caesar's funeral.
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honourable man.
He hath brought many captives home to Rome
Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill:
Did this in Caesar seem ambitious?
When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath wept:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honourable man.
You all did see that on the Lupercal
I thrice presented him a kingly crown,
Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And, sure, he is an honourable man.
I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to mourn for him?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar,
And I must pause till it come back to me.

THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT
From the Gospel of Matthew
Date written: 63 AD

The Beatitudes

1And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. 2Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying:

3"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4Blessed are those who mourn,
For they shall be comforted.

5Blessed are the meek,
For they shall inherit the earth.

6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
For they shall be filled.

7Blessed are the merciful,
For they shall obtain mercy.

8Blessed are the pure in heart,
For they shall see God.

9Blessed are the peacemakers,
For they shall be called sons of God.

10Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11"Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you,
and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.

12Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven,
for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Deadline no more

2006-12-06T12:35:00.000+08:00

Big smiles.:-) I’ve submitted my stories for our publication’s December issue a day before my deadline more than a week ago. All I got to do now is help in the video project we are doing and then get ready for my trip back to my beloved home in the Philippines in two weeks time.

For now, I got more time to unwind...get more sleep, watch movies, read books, enjoy quietness of the heart, and go around Singapore and be like a tourist.:-) And also, I got more time to play with my blog – the reason it now comes with a new face.

It’s a joy to share my life. Thanks to all for journeying with me.

Singapore, lah! Part 4

2006-11-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

Work

I left Cebu as a newspaper reporter. Now in Singapore, I'm a writer AND a photographer. Big smiles.:-) I used to think of photography as just one inclination, but never really imagined doing it for a job and see myself in some events with a Nikon camera hanging around my neck! But because I enjoy it, it doesn't seem like an additional work or burden for me but a new discovery and learning.

I'm working for an international Christian organisation. I take care of our publication - stories, photos, and website. I'm also learning and enjoying movie making - something I also didn't expect myself doing. My editor and I make short video clips occasionally. We plan to do more video on travel and people stories/documentaries. I'm excited. Grins.

Once in a while, I'm also tasked to do administrative work, like making P.O. (purchase order for our printing needs) - which I'm not very good at. I get tense when I see numbers. Thanks to my editor who knows I'm a writer, not an accountant. Not a secretary.:-) Whew.

I am quite thankful and happy for my job now and for my job then in the newspaper (SunStar Cebu). It created in me a vast experience that will always push me on. I also want to thank my Journalism professor MC who is now in New Zealand for investing in me and my class a lot of her expertise, time and faith. She's a gem.:-)

P.S. Hey, I've also become a better cook. My sunny-side up egg is not that bad anymore!:-)

Singapore, lah! Part 3

2006-11-25T21:44:00.000+08:00

Sights

Tomorrow, I'm on my 6th month stay in Singapore. So far, so good! Since I want to share with you some sights of Singapore, I'd rather fill this page with photos. These will do better than my words. :-)

9/11

2006-09-11T11:39:00.000+08:00

When I had the privilege of visiting New York last year, I had a closer look and feel of the heartache of the most powerful country in the world. DJ and I went to Ground Zero and took pictures. I could not bear to smile like a tourist. There were flowers, candles, notes, etc. for the people who died in the suicide terrorist attacks that took away close to 3,000 lives five years ago today.

"Oh, my God" were the only words most of us could utter as the world watched the World Trade Center break into rubbles. The sight of people falling, flying from the building was unbearable.

What a tragedy, indeed. Death has its own way of taking its place even in the most secure, rich and guarded place. But how comforting it is to know that there is Someone we can call and look up to even in the most scary, most hurting, and most devastating moment in history.

"Oh, my God."

Will you be my 3rd wife?

2006-09-11T10:03:00.000+08:00

I was on my way home from church yesterday. On the train, there was an Indian man who started conversation with me. I responded politely, smiled and nodded my head. He told me he has one wife in India and one in Singapore. What he said after that freaked me out. "I've been searching for so long. I want one more. Now I think I found you. Will you be my 3rd wife?"

Yikes. Haha.

Funny but scary, too. He smelled alcohol. I stopped talking to him and wished to get off the train as soon as I could especially when he began talking to another guy. I couldn't understand everything he said but I caught one phrase - "just one night". Was he selling me to that guy? Oh, goodness. Other passengers laughed, shook their head, while the rest tried not to catch his attention. He was crazy.

For the past three months here in SG, I've always felt safe. I would walk around the city without having any fear of snatchers. I can put my cellphone in my backpack without having to guard it like crazy. I would pass by a street with construction workers (Indian and Sri Lankan looking men) sitting around and still, I feel safe. They are respectful.

But well, that crazy Indian man on the train reminded me Singapore is not that 110% safe after all. No country is.

Singapore, lah! Part 2

2006-09-01T22:41:00.000+08:00

Welcome to my new world
A series of stories on my first three months in the Lion City

Language

Scene 1: walk, work

One day, I took a 40-minute walk from work to home. I heard my housemate ask me, "How was your work?"

I said: "It was good. I spent most of my time with the photos."

She asked again: "How was your work?"

Hmm...maybe she didn't hear me. So I replied: "It was good. I spent most of my time with the photos. Did some editing."

She looked confused, so I explained more. "Photos. Editing. Those are parts of my work! (How come she doesn't know my work? We talk about it everyday, I said in my head:-))" Then she laughed. She said she asked me, "How was your walk?" Not work. Haha. What does photo editing have to do with my walk?! Oh, goodness. Two women working in the communications department just had miscommunication problem!

Singaporeans have soft "r". They don't fully articulate it, so words like "work" and "walk" sometimes sound the same. All right, my Filipino ears have to adjust to the Singaporean tongue!

Scene 2: PhP2,600 for a 5-kg rice, anyone?

I picked a 5-kg pack of rice in a shop. The store owner talked to me in some Chinese-sounding language. I panicked. Politely, I asked again (in English) how much was the rice. She scratched her head, mumbled, and managed to say, "$80". I realised she doesn't speak English.

Wow. So expensive. Eighty dollars (or some PhP2,600) for a 5-kg rice? No, thank you. Besides, I only had $10 in my purse. I went to another shop and got it there for only $4. Whoa!

Scene 3: servant, seven

I did an interview one time with a campus ministry leader. She mentioned about her team's name as "Seven", or that's what I heard. I asked why her team is called Seven. She frowned and said, "No, not seven, but Servant." Oh, shoot. Well, there goes the soft "r" again!

A multi-racial country, Singapore speaks English (primarily British English), Mandarin, Malay and Tamil (and I don't know what else). It's fun to walk around public places, eat at coffee shops, or take a bus ride - you'll hear all these different languages - so beautiful, confusing, and fascinating.

By the way, if Filipinos have Taglish (Tagalog-English), Singaporeans also have Singlish, where they mix English with common phrases of mostly Chinese dialects.

And in case you're wondering what "lah" means, it's a common word Singaporeans use to punctuate their sentences. If you visit Singapore, lah will be one of the first local words you'll learn.

Missing my family

2006-08-26T16:20:00.000+08:00

Photos taken before I left for Singapore three months ago today.:-)

Lunch surprise

2006-07-26T14:22:00.000+08:00

Had a good lunch today.
A friend gave me a lunch pack of croissant, french toast, corned beef, cucumber and dark chocolate with a surprise message in a tiny card inside. Whoa! Indeed I was so surprised and happy. Little, crazy things like this make my day.:-)

Singapore,lah!

2006-07-20T17:26:00.000+08:00

Welcome to my new world
A series of stories on my first two months in the Lion City

Part 1 Food

Food is a daily adventure for me here, which brings both fun and torture. The challenge is for me to have my fill everyday and feel just good enough – not too full (or else, I’ll keep on gaining weight and will have to buy new clothes with larger sizes!), but not empty either (or else, I would look miserable!).

A multi-ethnic city of more than four million people, Singapore (SG) is steaming with wide variety of culinary pleasures – Indian, Chinese, Malay, Eurasian, French, Italian, Indonesian, Thai, Western, Vietnamese, Swiss...the list goes on. Burp. :-)

The best way to experience everyday life of SG (and I should say, to save money) is to eat in kopi tiam, a local term for coffee shops (that don’t necessarily mean Starbucks but open-air spaces with food stalls), which sell affordable food. With at least some S$3 (or about PhP90 plus) in your pocket, you can already have a decent meal.

Local food

Roasted chicken rice (roasted chicken served with fragrant rice cooked in chicken broth), a national icon in SG, is among my top picks. Roasted pork rice (the pork version of chicken rice), which is as shiok (delicious) as chicken rice, is another favourite. My housemate has to limit my chicken and pork rice meals for some obvious health reasons.:-)

Kaya Toast (left), and Roti Prata (from the Internet)

Kaya toast is another local food for breakfast. It’s a jam made from eggs, sugar and coconut milk. It goes with toasted bread. Another breakfast choice would be Roti Prata, a South Indian flatbread that is dipped into a curry. Malay spicy food Rendang, made from chunks of lean beef is really hot, but fine for me.

Au should not live by bread/rice/meat alone

Bread, fruits, French fries, ice cream, chocolates, cheese, raisins, prawns, chicken, pork, beef, fish, rice, and pizza are among my comfort food. Generally, not much of veggies, please. But duh! My housemate bugs me to include veggies in my daily meal! Ugh.

I told a number of friends about this "veggies bug", hoping to have some sympathy but to my dismay, they all said it’s indeed good for me to eat veggies! So, I raise my hands in surrender. Au should not live by bread (or rice, or fries, or whatever) alone…but with veggies, too. :-) I am saying that with a smile. SG will not only help me in my writing and teach me in lay outing and photography, but even also teach me to eat veggies.:-)

...did i tell you I'm a bad cook?

My food saga does not end there. My housemate and I agreed that we will cook at home, as long as we have time. But, err...I got a problem. I don't know how to cook! I mean, I can cook, but most of the times, it’s only me who’s happy about it. But well, it’s time for me to learn. So you can imagine me now spending more time in the kitchen. I laugh as I learn and see how desperate I am when it comes to cooking.:-) Look what I've done! I was supposed to make a sunny-side up egg!

I realised I can make big decisions in my life. I can travel to far places just by myself without feeling helpless, I can risk a lot – but I get lost and nervous in the kitchen! Soon, I shall learn. There’s always hope to those who don’t give up and to those that are supported. My housemate has been a great teacher and a patient friend.:-)

McDo wish

2006-06-22T13:17:00.000+08:00

Some couple of weeks before my birthday, I had this wish list:

- french toast for breakfast
- lunch at McDonald's
- shrimp/prawns for dinner
- calls to and from my family and friends

Well, I got all I wished for yesterday except the meal at McDonald's. I didn't have the time to go. But I didn't feel bad because I knew I had enough to be happy about - I had a good talk on the phone and received greetings from my family and friends, prawns for dinner, french toast for breakfast and a glass of wine before I called it a day!:-) Besides, a week before my birthday, my friend Angel gave me already many advance birthday treats- a walk at Singapore's business and tourist areas, Starbucks caramel frapuccino, burger and french fries at McDo and Carl's Jr., etc. Whoa!

So, I told myself, "forget McDo".

This morning, Angel's mum invited me to join breakfast with them. She said it's her birthday treat for me. Guess where they took me! McDonald's. :-) Yey! I was so delighted. Gosh, my wishes were heard and taken seriously!:-) I am so grateful.

Sometimes, we dream and pray for things and don't necessarily care about them anymore. We just lose them for many reasons - lack of time, faith, interest, or simply change of plans. But I am thrilled to know that there is Someone who hears our silent and loud wishes - and delights to give them to us anyway.

I just had my McDo meal.:-)

p.s. I just wanted to treat myself at McDo because it will make me feel at home. I love french fries and cheeseburger. Back in Cebu, I and my friends, especially Dia, were regular customers of McDo. Even in times I was alone and wanted to unwind from work, I would watch a movie and buy myself a large box of fries and cheeseburger. :-)

When I was in Pittsburgh and New York last year, I was surrounded by many choices of food and restaurants. Cool and yummy.:-) But I was always thrilled and at home when I had meals at McDo. My friend DJ who was with me on that trip would just laugh and crack up.

In 1977 today...I was born

2006-06-21T11:52:00.000+08:00

I just turned 29.:-) I am saying that not with sadness (because I'm a year older now!:-)) but with joy and thrill as I move on to another year of my life, another turn in my journey. Thanks to my dear family and friends who have seen me through. I am grateful beyond words. I sing with David in his Psalm that goes:

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast...

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand...

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."

Goodbye, Cebu...Hello, Singapore

2006-05-14T12:18:00.000+08:00

I’m leaving for Singapore at 3 a.m. in May 26 for a two-year contract to work as writer/editor for an organization’s publication. I’m leaving Cebu, and yes, I’m leaving Sun.Star, the newspaper I’ve worked for.

It took me a while to write this because this whole move and new direction in my life has been quite overwhelming.

I dearly love my job as a feature writer and business news reporter. The thought of leaving the newspaper tore my heart. I didn’t see myself to stay in the newspaper till my hair is gray, but I also didn’t expect to leave this early either. But I grabbed the opportunity to work in Singapore because like most of us, Filipinos with average income, I need to earn more to help my family financially. That was my primary motivation.

But during the process of my job application and interaction with my supervisor/editor in Singapore, I realized I’m on for something that’s really worth the move. What seemed to be at first a pure sacrifice for me (to help my family financially) was turned into something I consider a promising move (for my personal growth).

The nature of my writing job in Singapore won’t be the same with my work in the newspaper but I am equally thrilled for my opportunities to improve my writing skills, learn photography and creative lay out designing. And of course, I will be in a foreign country – I will be learning new culture, people, and language. So it’s not only bigger salary, but also a wider cultural and educational exposure that awaits me!:-)

My supervisor/editor in Singapore is a multi-talented woman. She’s a creative lay out designer, a photographer, a traveler, a teacher, a friend and most excitingly, she’s a writer and in fact, a book author. I am overwhelmed by the thought that I will be working with someone like her. She’s definitely a gift and a magnet.

I would like to thank you all for journeying with me in my young career and in my walk as a person, a friend, a family, and a writer. I hope to keep in touch with you all and see you when I’m back.

What’s next after Singapore?

I shall wait and see where Father would lead me. I might extend one or two more years in Singapore or I might stick to my two-year deal. I will still be contributing articles at SunStar once in a while and I will be updating my blog from time to time.

I remember…and will reminisce

2006-05-14T11:39:00.000+08:00

I began working at SunStar Cebu as an intern. My first story came out Feb. 2, 2004 at SunStar’s Top Stories Section, Page 8. Then I wrote for Lifestyle (now called Live!) and Weekend sections. I was hired as fulltime business news reporter March 28 last year.

My “Garing National High School converts trash to cash” story in March 24 last year was my first to win SunStar’s Best of the Newsroom recognition in Best in Feature Story. I also got Best in Enterprise Story for my “Micro, small firms form alliance” while my “Status quo on rules disputed by engineers” and “Family businesses drive economy, but many die” won for Best Writing. Just small awards, anyway, but great enough to keep me going and motivated. :-)

At the business page, I have to write two stories everyday (Sunday to Friday). It doesn’t matter what time I come in or go out the office. What matters are my stories. Sometimes, I only have one. My editors have been gracious not to shoot me with a “why-only-one-story?” look. :-) Thanks to CTL, LAP and CYR for the encouragement and support.

Slapped! I was at Carbon Market to cover an event of vendors. I was intently keeping an eye on my bag because I know the place is a snatcher-infested area. But I forgot there were crazy people around too. A woman came in front of me and gave me a big slap on my face and asked, “Where is my husband?” Shoot. My right cheek was red. That was the first and only slap I got in my whole life. Ever.

I wrote for Bull’s Eye (SunStar’s special issue during the 19th Philippine Advertising Congress) in November last year. One night, a newspaper girl came and asked me, “Bull’s Eye…you want a copy? It’s free!” Haha. I said, “Yes. I want one.” Then she glanced at the Press I.D. I wore and realized Bull’s Eye banner story writer was me!

I enjoy being obscure. I walk to coffee shops and see businessmen read my business news stories. I was at a jeepney one time and the lady beside me was reading my business story. She had no idea the writer, ALC, was right beside her. :-) Or like the time I attended a national gathering of civil engineers. One of the speakers included my story “Status quo rules disputed by engineers” in one of his presentation slides. I held my breath while he talked about the issue. He used my article as reference. They didn’t know the writer was there.:-)

CTL, my first editor in the business page is one of my mentors. In my first few months as business writer, I didn’t have to drink coffee to pump up my adrenaline and keep my senses awake because she was my coffee. She works fast and hard. She’s a great editor. I can’t take my work for granted. Even in my sleep, she was there giving me instructions, work assignments. Haha. Nightmares.

I took a taxi one time. My mind was so engrossed about the event that I will be covering, thinking of questions I would ask, other things to do for that day, etc. When the taxi stopped, I paid P6 – which was a regular jeepney fare. The driver looked at me and I looked at him back squarely. Then I remembered I was in a taxi and my bill was P78, not P6! Ooops. Sorry.:-)

I was on my way home from work one late afternoon. I sat at the front seat of a jeepney. I was so tired and sleepy that I actually slept on the driver’s shoulder. Shoot!:-)

Another jeepney story….Because I’m tired and drained after work, my energy level normally goes down as I take my ride home. Many times I had to pay more because I would fall asleep and wake up and realize I’ve already passed by my place! Then I had to take another ride back. Ugh!

I met with a business news source in a coffee shop. When he saw me, he said I was too young to be a business news writer. He expected to see a middle-aged woman, not a lady in blue jeans.:-)

I am so privileged to have interviewed celebrities, artists, businessmen, vendors, CEOs, community leaders, etc. Working at the media means access to people and places where ordinary citizens can’t. Looking back, I was an extremely shy girl. I didn’t expect one day I will be in a place or work where I am supposed to be talking with big wigs. Talk about coming out from my shell.

A number of times I was at work (in the field or in the newsroom) with cold sweat in my head, stiff neck muscles and weak knees because of migraine. But I had to work anyway. Thank God for Avamigran - a tablet or two will kick migraine away. But sometimes, it really requires me to lie down in bed and forget about work.

I interviewed an old businessman who owns a pearl farm. We talked for about three hours. My recorder was on. I took notes and listened intently. In my head, I was jumping and excited because it was a good, big story. But in the end, the old man said he didn't want to see the story published. It was "off the record". Goodness! Ugh!

A Reporter's Life - at a glance

2006-05-14T11:32:00.000+08:00

(from left) Iste, me, Allan Cuizon, Ruel Rosillo and Bon.

With other business reporters Cebu Daily News Irene Sino and Business World Jun Tagalog

With ABS-CBN's Cess Drilon

A Reporter's Life - at a glance 2

2006-05-14T11:22:00.000+08:00

(from left) The Freeman photographer Iste, writer Jadd, Cebu Daily News' Regina and me

A visit and interview at Shemberg, world-class producer of carrageenan.

The Freeman business reporter Edha, me, and SunStar photographer Ruel.

The mentor (PLK) and the amateur writer (ALC) :-)

At a press conference with the Department of Tourism Secretary Ace Durano

A Reporter's Life - at a glance 3

2006-05-14T11:12:00.000+08:00

SunStar photographer Allan Defensor, me and a local official who toured us around Carmen, Cebu (sorry, i forgot her name)

PLK, JBN, Ellen, and me

A walk and interview with the mayor of Carmen, Cebu.

Pottery-making in one of my trips to Bohol.

Interview with the mayor (left) of Alburquerque, Bohol.

Napa Valley Pics

2006-04-27T09:36:00.000+08:00

Napa Photos

2006-04-27T09:31:00.000+08:00

Whatever the Spammer and the Victim Imagine: a new song version

2006-04-23T08:50:00.000+08:00

I imagine you and me
Hila hila and watch tv
So let the show go on
We fall asleep
YM can't stop us now

Don't be afraid
'cause I'll see you right here
It won't be long
If we wait a while
I know there's still a chance we can find

Whatever we imagine...

(It's the Spammer and the Victim's version of James Ingram's Whatever We Imagine:-) )

Breaking News

2006-04-23T08:33:00.000+08:00

(A lift from the story of Spammer and the Victim.:-))

We interrupt this silence with today's top story...

A mysterious spammer has been seen circling around her living room, totally restless and unable to work. When asked why, the spammer said, "I have to be disciplined not to talk to my victim."

The spammer has gone berserk and is running wild. Police asked members of the public not to be alarmed.

Said police Chief Inspector B. A. Liw, "The spammer is armed and ready to give her victim a hug."

Anyone spotting the spammer can spam back at YM. - AK

San Francisco photos

2006-03-26T16:32:00.000+08:00

Despedida party for Katya and me at Arlene's home, Daly City, CA

Me, Arlene, Katya, and Cesli

SF photos

2006-03-26T16:16:00.000+08:00

At Presidio National Park, a former military base
San Franciso City Hall

With Arlene

more photos

2006-03-26T16:04:00.000+08:00

With Melchie at SF Golden Gate Bridge

Alcatraz
Amy, me and Arlene

San Francisco neighborhood

Deadly Tuesday

2006-03-14T18:17:00.000+08:00

Woke up 2 am today to work on one story I needed to submit early this morning. Went back to sleep couple of hours later. Woke up again at 5:30 a.m. to take a bath and rushed my way to the newsroom at around 6:30. I was glad I was able to leave the apartment before heavy traffic begins at 7 a.m.

I was in the jeepney already when I realized I left my cellphone. I can't go without it because I need it in my work. I get important calls and texts (SMS) everyday. So I had to go back to get it. I ended up heading back to the newsroom (with my cellphone) at 7 am, when traffic was heavy already. Shoot.

Didn't have breakfast. But glad I had my Singaporean coffee to keep my stomach fine.:-) At 10 am, I had to go out the newsroom for a coverage. I was in the jeepney and guess what happened? I left my phone again! I had to go back to the newsroom. Sigh.

I have four editors expecting my stories today. Yes, TODAY. And the more I raced with time, the more I keep on losing it, like how I left my phone a couple of times. I had to go back to pick it up and yes, lose few minutes of my time. It meant a lot.

You see, my job is not always fun. It's deadly sometimes.

It's 6:30 in the evening now. My stomach is craving for food and my back demands some good massage. Sigh. But this deadly Tuesday is quite rewarding. Despite my carelessness, I was still able to submit my stories. I shall go home with a smile. Now, that's a typical experience for a writer. That's me. :-)

Cold Turkey Effect?

2006-03-07T13:26:00.000+08:00

How do you take somebody out your head?!#$?

New York Photos

2006-03-03T09:09:00.000+08:00

On a ferry ride to Staten Island

the Statue of Liberty

me at Reuters!:-)

me and lisa

Manhattan at night. Photo taken from viewing deck of Empire State Building

me and grant warren

2006-03-01T06:54:00.000+08:00

Two for Grant Warren

2006-03-01T06:40:00.000+08:00

My nephew Grant Warren turned two yesterday. I thank God for His faithfulness.

"For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth. From birth I have relied on you, you brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise you." Ps 71:5-6

Cowgirl Thrill, Cowboy Spell

2006-02-26T17:26:00.000+08:00

Another dream came true for me yesterday!:-) I got the chance to ride a horse, a wish my younger sister and I always had since we were kids.

I was all smiles when one of my editors assigned me to do a feature story of a local group in Cebu that breeds and loves horses. Good timing, they had their Kabayo (Horse) Festival. And so I went.

One of the guys let me ride his horse and gosh, I was so thrilled!

After my interview and historical ride, I sat at one corner and watched the race. The range of mountains provided a perfect back drop of the cowboys and horses that raced around the oval. And, there was loud country music. Oh, I was so fascinated. I felt like I was somewhere else! I didn't know Cebu has cowboys, too!:-)

One thing came to mind - a secret I can't help but share after all. I dreamed of riding on a horse with my groom on my wedding day.:-) That should be part of the ceremony, I thought. Haha.

There were times I daydreamed and wished a man like Zorro (in the movie) would come, pick me up for a ride up in the mountains while the song I Want To Spend My Lifetime Loving You is played during our ride.:-) Oh, silly me.

I grinned as I secretly admired one horse rider yesterday. He just looked so dashing on his cowboy attire as he galloped around the oval. He exuded so much strength, quickness, charm and passion as he rode along. His boots were painted with mud. His face was tanned. He laughed like a carefree kid.

My time was up. My photographer and I had to pack and go back to the newsroom. I was smiling.

Oh, where have all the cowboys gone? :-) Just wondering.

Three Songs, Three Memories

2006-02-23T08:17:00.000+08:00

I covered a big business conference yesterday. President Gloria Arroyo was guest speaker. Don't worry I'm not gonna talk about the country's economic and political issues. But I will share three songs that kept me awake this whole busy day!:-)

Just like any other formal gatherings that I attend, there is prayer or doxology before everything starts. Most of the time, there's worship or prayer song. I am always glad for that because it allows me to slow down, close my eyes, breathe and get energized as I pray and thank God in my heart even just for a quick time.

The chorale sang The Lord's Prayer song. I prayed along.

Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power,
and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.

Then the Philippine flag was raised and our national anthem was played. I just feel the need to put the song here, too, because many of us, Filipinos, are beginning to forget the song. We don't sing it as much anymore as we did when we were in school.

Bayang magiliw
Perlas ng Silanganan,
Alab ng puso,
Sa dibdib mo'y buhay.

Lupang Hinirang,
Duyan ka ng magiting,
Sa manlulupig,
Di ka pasisiil.

Sa dagat at bundok,
Sa simoy at sa langit mong bughaw,
May dilag ang tula
At awit sa paglayang minamahal.
Ang kislap ng watawat mo'y
Tagumpay na nagniningning,
Ang bituin at araw niya
Kailan pa ma'y di magdidilim.
Lupa ng araw, ng luwalhati't pagsinta,
Buhay ay langit sa piling mo;
Aming ligaya, na pag may mang-aapi
Ang mamatay nang dahil sa iyo.

(English version)

Land of the morning,
Child of the sun returning,
With fervor burning,
Thee do our souls adore.
Land dear and holy,
Cradle of noble heroes,
Ne'er shall invaders
Trample thy sacred shore.
Ever within thy skies and through thy clouds
And o'er thy hills and sea,
Do we behold the radiance, feel and throb,
Of glorious liberty.
Thy banner, dear to all our hearts,
Its sun and stars alight,
O never shall its shining field
Be dimmed by tyrant's might!
Beautiful land of love,
O land of light,
In thine embrace 'tis rapture to lie,
But it is glory ever, when thou art wronged,
For us, thy sons to suffer and die.

Oh, this song always stirs my heart because it reminds me of our country's heroes, the known and the unknown ones, those who died to give us freedom...just everything about history, patriotism, sacrifice, love, courage, and hope.

I remember singing this song six days a week when I was in grade school and high school, but only occasionally when I was in college. Now at work as a journalist and writer, I get to hear it when there are corporate functions, conferences, etc.

Or I see and hear it on big screen when I watch a movie either first full show or last full show in theater houses. :-)

So I decided to have a personal copy of the song so I can play it whenever I want to. I make sure though I don't play it loud. My neighbors and housemates might wonder what's going on!

Regardless where I hear and sing it, I always do with so much love, encouragement and nostalgia for my beloved country. Many a time, I sing it with tears wanting to come out my eyes.

But here's one more song the chorale sang in a capella music that caught me off guard. Their voices ushered me back to some beautiful memories in my life few years back. It goes...

You are the one who makes me happy
When everything else turns to grey
Yours is the voice that wakes me mornings
And sends me out into the day
You are the crowd that sits quiet
Listening to me
And all the mad sense that I make
You are one of the few things worth remembering
And since it's all true
How could anyone mean more to me
Than you

Sorry if sometimes I look past you
There's no one beyond your eyes
Inside my head wheels are turning
Hey, sometimes I'm not so wise
You are my heart and my soul
My inspiration
Just like the old love song goes

You're my heart and my soul
My inspiration
Just like the old song goes

Ugh! That was my ex-boyfriend's song for me. Don't ask how I felt about it. :-(

Single Voice, Married Voice??!#!

2006-02-21T20:39:00.000+08:00

"Your voice tells me you're single," my male news source (one I haven't met personally yet) told me on the phone this morning. I was shocked! Goodness. How on earth could one tell if a woman is single or married just by listening to her voice?

The more I thought about it later, I was convinced he was just playing and guessing. Crazy.

He went on talking and trying to sound cute and smart. But I didn't find him cute and smart because he didn't answer the questions I asked for my story. He only wanted to impress. Grrrrr!:-)

Well...I tell you, this is not a new experience for a single, woman journalist.

A Year-Old Massage

2006-02-20T20:43:00.000+08:00

Finally, I had the luxury yesterday of using the gift certificate for a whole body massage my friend Diadema gave me 370 days ago. Yes, more than a year ago! I can't believe it's been that long. Why did I wait that long when I knew many a time I thought about it especially after a day's hard work?

I kept that gift in my bag the whole time thinking I would have the chance to drop by the massage center after work. But, well, I kept on postponing it. Reason? I had tons of things to do, blah, blah, blah.

I was totally tired and out yesterday. I was reminded of my friend's gift and I was determined enough to go and have the massage. Oh, so wonderful and relaxing. I felt every muscle in my body rejoiced and loosely danced. All I could hear was the soothing music played, the clicking of my bones (?!*# ), and my laughter because I was tickled I almost fought the masseuse! :-)

I was glad I went. Back in my apartment, I collapsed in my bed and drifted to sleep. A sweet sleep. Thanked God for the massage. And thanks to Diadema, for the gift. It was terrible I ignored it for a long time.:-)

Pittsburgh skyline

2006-02-16T18:45:00.000+08:00

2005-04-12T22:02:00.001+08:00

kuya leo, jonel, and me :-)

2005-04-12T22:02:00.000+08:00

Ate Rizza, Jonel, and me:-)

2005-04-12T22:01:00.000+08:00

me with my parents on graduation day.:)

A gracious end for a rough beginning

2005-03-22T14:46:00.000+08:00

A JOURNEY, no matter how long and winding, always has an end.

I shall wake up today beaming with smiles as contagious and generous as the sun that pierces the sky at dawn. I shall stand high, elated, and grateful for today is my graduation day.

I have made many wrong turns, untimely stops, and silly U-turns in my life. From an extremely honor-driven, focused, and dedicated kind of student, I turned sour, cold, and unmindful. With my permission, I let things slip away from me. I betrayed myself by disowning my heart and by mocking my passions. I stopped believing in myself; but others didn’t.

Knowing that others chose not to give up on me while I sulked in resignation was both encouraging and tormenting. Encouraging because they made me see myself in a better light. Tormenting because they wouldn’t stop till I get up and press on. They bugged me to death till I was willing to give myself another try.

I had come to grips with the lesson that sometimes things are taken away from us so we will know how much they mean to us. It’s when they’re gone when we actually see them. It’s when we’re at the dark when we truly appreciate and long for even just a thin beam of light. It’s when I stopped writing when I began dreaming about it again. What took it so long to dawn on me that it was and is my life?

It’s when I was on my last inch of courage when I decided to press on. Against all odds, fears and rejections, I went back to school and started again from scratch. Now, I’m done – with pride for all of my hard work, with thrill for all I’ve learned; and with honor that glitters and shines from within.

Now, my heart can’t help but smile as I look back and realize what a good journey I had. The road must have been long and old, but one can’t find any hint of regret in my heart because along the way, I found treasures I would never find if I haven’t gone there – friendships, character, and appreciation for life and people. Most of all, I’ve reconciled myself back to my passion – writing. A passion owned the second time around is simply unwavering.

Every step I’ll take today will be nostalgic and sweet. The classic, triumphal beat of graduation march will make my heart dance and laugh as I’ll think about the times I wondered if this day would ever come in my life. Every step shall tell me that all of my hopes were never in vain.

Soon I will be entering a world I have been preparing myself for – one that is of full-time work as a writer. With all my heart I shall do my job. Now I understand why I had to go through many ordeals in my younger years – it was to refine me, mold me, and make me. Baby, it’s a wild world, one song says. Indeed, it is. Only those with courage, desire, and heart will survive.

Beyond Grief and Forgetting

2005-03-09T22:35:00.000+08:00

(Published at Sun.Star Cebu, March 5, 2005)

Remembering numbers and names of short acquaintances is always an ordeal for me. Mama always has to remind me to be extra mindful after I’ve lost countless purses, umbrella and hankies. But in fairness, no one can blame me for not saving and preserving in my heart the people dear to me.

Last Christmas I lost Noel, a very dear friend who succumbed to a three-month ordeal out of his kidney failure. Like a kid who wished on Santa, I prayed to God that he would give him few more days. He wanted to see me and our other friends first before he would breathe his last. Thanks to technology, I was still able to talk to him on his mobile phone while he agonized on his deathbed. I felt so helpless when I heard him cry and ask for help. I was hurting till I was numb. He wanted to be home. Goodness, that’s all he wished for. But to my dismay, he never did make it. He died in Manila, and left a hole in my heart.

That Noel and I were like siblings as we grew up along with my sisters, can be seen in the frequency with which he appears in most of the old and recent photos with my family and friends. We did crazy things together, shared our dreams and talked about the days when our hair would be gray.

In our little hometown in Masbate, we used to go to one place where a lone, humble tree stood. That was the place where we once attempted drinking alcohol. There, under the shadow of that silent tree, we laughed. And cried. He baptized that tree and called it our ‘palace.’ I guess because it represented the rich, nourishing friendship we shared. Whenever we miss each other, we only need to drop by that place and it should give us company, or so we promised each other.

Obviously, I feared to face the finality of his death. It took me long to summon enough courage to drop by our palace. I was wide-eyed as I saw the tree that has grown sturdy since the last time we were there.. Its waving verdure welcomed me warmly. I got under the tree and its shadow enveloped me with a strangely familiar warmth of Noel’s hugs. How merry were the leaves, as if animated by his gaiety. Wasn’t he like a clown fond of cracking jokes? Ah, how the cool shade of that tree hushed my crying soul.

Of course, I will move on and get over this soon. With Noel gone, I thank him still for the way his demise compelled me to look at my loved ones in a warmer light. What a privilege, indeed, to have time left to spend with them even as I paint meaningful moments with them in the canvas of my being.

I should make the most of my time with them because there’s no rewind. Ever. Though painful, my friend’s death was such a pivotal reminder.

Margarita!

2005-01-23T17:24:00.000+08:00

(Ooops! The lady in the photo is not me. I haven't reinvented myself that beautiful yet. hehehe! That's my singer-composer-pianist friend Margarita.:-)

YOU WERE NEVER MINE music and lyrics by Margarita

I'm letting go of my expectations
I'm tired of the chronic frustrations
To hope for your constant sweet affections
Slowly becoming an obsession

Refrain:
I have to take a backseat for the one who has your ring
Who would ever guess that I'd agree to be your fling
So I should know that I don't have the right to complain
No matter how much this awful set-up's driving me insane
Cuz from the very start
You were never mine
You were never mine
Never mind
Never mind

I wished to show the world it's you and me
Let them know it's you making me happy
Consumed in your blissful intimacy
Crazy, when I know it shouldn't be (refrain)

I never thought that it would end this way
I thought the love's enough to make me stay
But it's the distance that caused us to fray
Painfully, I am left with this dismay (refrain)

Joie de Vivre!

2005-01-23T11:16:00.000+08:00

(photo by Au Castro)

"From quiet homes and first beginning, Out to the undiscovered ends, There's nothing worth the wear of winning, But laughter and the love of friends." Hilaire Belloc

2004-11-13T10:46:00.000+08:00

The beautiful ones at Kawasan Falls!!!:) Me and my friend Diadema.

Desert Smiles

2004-11-02T14:00:00.000+08:00

I was on vacation for the semestral break and how I waited for this.

Family and I were all bound to a town 36 km away from home for our grandma’s birthday. We all won’t fit in the car so we had to make two trips. My older sister drove us first, then I had to go back and fetch the rest of my family. I had to drive back home – alone – to my heart’s delight and thrill.:)

Driving has always been a medicine to my heart.:) It gives me that sense of peace and that of “moving on”. Today, driving back home was definitely a treat for me after a busy and tough semester in school! I felt so happy. It seemed I had all the time in the world. I even felt safe. The trees, grass, and everything all seemed too harmless. I was fascinated by the shadow of the moving clouds that ran on the road. We raced each other. Sometimes I beat her out. Sometimes, she was way too fast for me. Fine.:)

Was playing Margarita’s You Were Never Mine and What A Wonderful World and gosh, how it made my trip wonderful!:) Sang with her with a happy heart and wished the drive was longer. I was half my way, and I was half-frozen for what happened next. The car’s engine stopped. Krrrggg! Duh! I said, “Come on, it’s just kidding!” But it wasn’t. It was seriously dead – under the sun-bathed, lonely highway. It was like a desert with its quiet, only that there were trees, birds, and grass I could see on both sides of the road. Calmly, I tried to start the car again and again till I was convinced I was in trouble. I ran out of gasoline. Don’t blame me – the gauge didn’t work and my sister said everything’s fine. I just have to drive home, that’s all.

Thought of calling for help, but even before I could scroll and pick a name on my phone, I realized I had no phone signal. What in the world!?! It all began to sink in me. It was so hot I could feel my skin burning. There were a couple of small houses few meters away. I saw a group of men doing some woodcraft. They were watching me – unsure if I wanted their help or should they help? Suddenly, I felt so alone, vulnerable and strange.

I decided to walk and ask for the nearest store that sells gasoline. One folk told me to walk farther, I shall find one. It must have been the hardest walk I had to make. Aside from the biting heat of the sun, I didn’t have money with me. Being home, I didn’t have to bring money all the time, or so I thought.

I’ve never been used to begging or bargaining. But I had no choice anyway. I prepared my speech. I would ask for a liter or two, promise to pay it later, will be willing to leave my cell phone, if only they’d give me gasoline. But before I could utter those words, the storeowner said they ran out of supply. No way! Gosh. But all of the sudden, a bar of phone signal showed up on my phone. It was like a sun showing up after a day’s dark storm. Hurriedly called my sister. But here’s another treat for me – my phone ran out of battery! Great. Glad it was still merciful enough to let me send just one text.

Didn’t get any more reply since my phone was dead. But I was confident my sister would do something. I just have to hold on to that and wait. I decided to walk back to the car. Played What a Wonderful World again and the other songs I had on my tape sang by my friend, singer-composer Margarita on her album tour here in Cebu. I sat back and relax. Got my notebook and pen and wrote down some good thoughts. Thought of people and things that matter to me. Thought of some good memories both old and new. Thought of God and His love. In the desert, my heart was happy.

What a humbling experience for me. It stripped me off from all that make me feel secured and comfortable. But sure it didn’t have to take away my heart and my will to stand and smile on top of it. This made me feel better. My faith was tested.

Almost couple of hours later, a friend drove by and helped me out. Finally got home. My stomach starved. My face was red. My throat was dry. But I was fine and whole. My happy heart can be seen right at the smile painted on my lips. Oh, it’s a wonderful world.:) Even in the desert, one can remember to smile and live by.:)

2004-09-23T10:24:00.000+08:00

Feel the water!! That's me, still with my long hair at Kawasan Falls, Cebu.:)

going online

2004-09-19T22:21:00.000+08:00

Just starting here. Will be posting more next couple of weeks. Drop by this page when you think of me. hehe. I'm super busy but I need and want to write, post some thoughts, interact with you, people in the world... That keeps me sane.:)